COMPARED TO MINE!!! Here are the details.
Venue
Jupiter
Date
37th of May 1408
List of bridesmaids
Prince William(He agreed after I bribed him with a dozen bottles of YunNam Hair products.)
Barack Obama(We go way back.He used to mow the lawn in my old house.After giving him an inspiring speech on dreams and aspirations,he resigned and moved on to be some kind of big politician)
Justin Bieber(Because he just needs somebody to love.)
Note:It is compulsory for all bridesmaids to wear the purple silk dresses provided.Make-up artists will be provided 3 hours before the ceremony.Bridesmaids are free to accessorise as they please.High-heels(minimum of 4.5 inches) must be worn.
Entertainment
Lady Gaga(After begging incessantly via tweets,emails,letters and facebook,I finally agreed to let her sing at the ceremony)
The blowing up of Pluto(Because it isn't that important a planet,being kicked out of our solar system and all.Plus people like to watch things explode)
Food
Fugu(A blowfish dish that will cause instant death if not prepared by expert chefs.It's poison is 12 times more lethal than cyanide.I've asked Bob,a trainee chef with 6 months of experience in the Gurney Drive Hawker Centre to prepare the fugu.He's never been to college.)
Well I'll post more details later.Everyone is invited!(provided you have your very own space suit and mode of transport)
Till next time...
Friday, 29 April 2011
Friday, 22 April 2011
10 Things You Didn't Know Before Reading This
1.The earth is not flat,neither is it a sphere.Its actually a slightly disfigured cube.(You may have been deceived for your entire existence,but most people still remain clueless on this subject.Take comfort in that thought.)
2.A spider is not an insect.Its a carnivorous plant.(Recent discovery by scientists.True story.)
3.Darwin was wrong.Man did not evolve from apes.Man evolved from tuna.(Ever wonder about Michael Phelps?Now you know the truth.)
4.There's a tribe of leprechauns living on the moon.(After negotiating a peace treaty with President Nixon,it was decided that the tribe be left in peace and the moon footage of them destroyed.)
5.People can glow in the dark.(Its just difficult to see as there are too many lights on at night.But try going into a pitch black cave at night without a flashlight.You might be surprised.)
6.The Tooth Fairy was arrested and jailed multiple times for breaking and entering.The same happened to Santa Claus.(Charges were eventually dropped so that the police could remain on the 'Nice' list.)
7.Cats and pineapples constantly communicate via omega waves.(Discovered in 1982 by Professor Theright Eous Queen.A discovery that revolutionized the world of science.)
8.Spongebob Squarepants is actually female.(She has deeply rooted issues.)
9.Cows fall from the sky every 2nd Tuesday of March in a small town north of New Zealand.(Research shows that this has been a recurring incident since 10,000 B.C.)
10.Lizards can speak Spanish.If they feel like it.
Till next time...
2.A spider is not an insect.Its a carnivorous plant.(Recent discovery by scientists.True story.)
3.Darwin was wrong.Man did not evolve from apes.Man evolved from tuna.(Ever wonder about Michael Phelps?Now you know the truth.)
4.There's a tribe of leprechauns living on the moon.(After negotiating a peace treaty with President Nixon,it was decided that the tribe be left in peace and the moon footage of them destroyed.)
5.People can glow in the dark.(Its just difficult to see as there are too many lights on at night.But try going into a pitch black cave at night without a flashlight.You might be surprised.)
6.The Tooth Fairy was arrested and jailed multiple times for breaking and entering.The same happened to Santa Claus.(Charges were eventually dropped so that the police could remain on the 'Nice' list.)
7.Cats and pineapples constantly communicate via omega waves.(Discovered in 1982 by Professor Theright Eous Queen.A discovery that revolutionized the world of science.)
8.Spongebob Squarepants is actually female.(She has deeply rooted issues.)
9.Cows fall from the sky every 2nd Tuesday of March in a small town north of New Zealand.(Research shows that this has been a recurring incident since 10,000 B.C.)
10.Lizards can speak Spanish.If they feel like it.
Till next time...
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Potential Future
Recently a lot of people have been asking me what I want to do with my life.Well now I have a question for you guys,CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?
Personally I think I would be successful in business.Here are my top plans for myself.
1.Set up a successful chain of ice-cream shops in nothern Alaska.
2.Make frequent visits to kindergartens to promote and sell an educational book titled 'Dummies Guide to Nuclear Fission'(which is in Latin)
3.Sell potato chips(with generous helpings of jalapenos,chillies and wasabi) to the nomads of the Mojave desert.
As a wealthy entrepreneur,I'll also do my part in making the world a better place.
1.I'll release tarantulas (whom are doomed to the frying pan in Cambodia)onto our streets so that they are free to lead their lives as they choose after forging ties with us humans via negotiations and diplomacy.
2.I'll donate to Bill Gates.
I hope this answers all your questions.For more info,log on to http://www.thegreatestentrepreneurintheworldwhichisme.com/
Till next time...
Personally I think I would be successful in business.Here are my top plans for myself.
1.Set up a successful chain of ice-cream shops in nothern Alaska.
2.Make frequent visits to kindergartens to promote and sell an educational book titled 'Dummies Guide to Nuclear Fission'(which is in Latin)
3.Sell potato chips(with generous helpings of jalapenos,chillies and wasabi) to the nomads of the Mojave desert.
As a wealthy entrepreneur,I'll also do my part in making the world a better place.
1.I'll release tarantulas (whom are doomed to the frying pan in Cambodia)onto our streets so that they are free to lead their lives as they choose after forging ties with us humans via negotiations and diplomacy.
2.I'll donate to Bill Gates.
I hope this answers all your questions.For more info,log on to http://www.thegreatestentrepreneurintheworldwhichisme.com/
Till next time...
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Go EXTREME GREEN!
About a week ago a Subway employee refused to give me a bag and curtly asked me to,and I quote 'Keep our country green.'Then began my epic quest to prove her wrong.Here's what I'm doing to green the earth.
I disposed of all the soaps,detergents and washing liquids from my home and replaced it with a biodegradable concoction of mine made primarily of poison ivy and bougainvillea thorns.In addition to being non-polluting, its also a cleansing scrub that stimulates boodflow as I discovered that I was covered in raw red spots everytime after use.See,green is good!
Electricity is not an option for me now.After making several discreet trips in the dead of night to sever the power lines to my home(and possibly to the homes of others several miles around mine),I'm currently electricity-free!Living a la cave!Also by applying the principles of energy conversion,I have employed 10,000 hamsters to run in their wheels to generate some green electricity for my laptop use.The same goes for the fridge,oven,lights,fans and TV.(No hamsters were harmed in the making of electricity).
I say no to paper now too.No newspapers,no paper towels,no tissue paper,no toilet paper and not even paper clips.Recently I have even ceased to play my favourite game of all time 'Rock,PAPER,Scissors'.Life is hard.But that's the price for being green.And I would like to note that Subway uses PAPER cups and wraps all its sandwiches in PAPER.Hypocrites.
I've noticed that plenty of celebrities have gone green as well.Just look at Shrek and The Incredible Hulk.So BE GREEN!Or you'll make the hulk angry,and you won't like him when he's angry.
Till next time...
I disposed of all the soaps,detergents and washing liquids from my home and replaced it with a biodegradable concoction of mine made primarily of poison ivy and bougainvillea thorns.In addition to being non-polluting, its also a cleansing scrub that stimulates boodflow as I discovered that I was covered in raw red spots everytime after use.See,green is good!
Electricity is not an option for me now.After making several discreet trips in the dead of night to sever the power lines to my home(and possibly to the homes of others several miles around mine),I'm currently electricity-free!Living a la cave!Also by applying the principles of energy conversion,I have employed 10,000 hamsters to run in their wheels to generate some green electricity for my laptop use.The same goes for the fridge,oven,lights,fans and TV.(No hamsters were harmed in the making of electricity).
I say no to paper now too.No newspapers,no paper towels,no tissue paper,no toilet paper and not even paper clips.Recently I have even ceased to play my favourite game of all time 'Rock,PAPER,Scissors'.Life is hard.But that's the price for being green.And I would like to note that Subway uses PAPER cups and wraps all its sandwiches in PAPER.Hypocrites.
I've noticed that plenty of celebrities have gone green as well.Just look at Shrek and The Incredible Hulk.So BE GREEN!Or you'll make the hulk angry,and you won't like him when he's angry.
Till next time...
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
The Aqua Mop
Is your back aching from all the countless times you washed and squeezed dry your mop?Well have no fear!The Aqua Mop is here!Invented,yet again,by yours truly.
With The Aqua Mop,you won't need to wet,wash or dry your mop ever again!(For the next 3 days).This innovative invention has a built in water cylinder that's only the size of your regular oxygen tank.With just the push of a button,the pull of a few levers in order,the turn of several dials(6 times each both clockwise and anticlockwise) and the twist of the large blue screw,you can wet your mop instantly.Easy as pie!(Warning:If you don't follow the order it will most likely self-destruct)
The Aqua Mop weighs a mere 25kg and you only require the help of 3 other people to use it!Convenient and user-friendly!But wait,there's more.It comes with a free packet of biologically modified microbacteria designed to kill germs on your mop.Said bacteria may mutate and become potentially deadly to you and your family but the risk is worth it!There's only a 98% chance of that happening!
This product also comes with dryers to ensure that the drying process be carried out quickly and efficiently.Just install the dryers after you've finished mopping.You will find a step-by-step guide in your 792 page manual on dryers.To learn more about the Aqua Mop,you can purchase the complete manual(589,052 pages) at your local bookstore in Thailand for only 20 mil bhat.
Today is your lucky day!The Aqua Mop is currently on promotion!Buy 1 for RM15,000 and get one more for RM20,000!An incredible bargain!Get your very own Aqua Mop today!
The Aqua Mop(Copyright Reserved),Make Your Floors Shine!
Till next time...
With The Aqua Mop,you won't need to wet,wash or dry your mop ever again!(For the next 3 days).This innovative invention has a built in water cylinder that's only the size of your regular oxygen tank.With just the push of a button,the pull of a few levers in order,the turn of several dials(6 times each both clockwise and anticlockwise) and the twist of the large blue screw,you can wet your mop instantly.Easy as pie!(Warning:If you don't follow the order it will most likely self-destruct)
The Aqua Mop weighs a mere 25kg and you only require the help of 3 other people to use it!Convenient and user-friendly!But wait,there's more.It comes with a free packet of biologically modified microbacteria designed to kill germs on your mop.Said bacteria may mutate and become potentially deadly to you and your family but the risk is worth it!There's only a 98% chance of that happening!
This product also comes with dryers to ensure that the drying process be carried out quickly and efficiently.Just install the dryers after you've finished mopping.You will find a step-by-step guide in your 792 page manual on dryers.To learn more about the Aqua Mop,you can purchase the complete manual(589,052 pages) at your local bookstore in Thailand for only 20 mil bhat.
Today is your lucky day!The Aqua Mop is currently on promotion!Buy 1 for RM15,000 and get one more for RM20,000!An incredible bargain!Get your very own Aqua Mop today!
The Aqua Mop(Copyright Reserved),Make Your Floors Shine!
Till next time...
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Rockin' The Resume
I sent my resume to Harvard University two weeks ago.I wonder why I haven't received a letter of acceptance yet,along with a bouquet of 'WELCOME TO HARVARD!' flowers sent by the Dean and a notification that the new library will be named after me.
I don't know what went wrong.Here's a section of my resume.
Name:The Righteous Queen
Achievements:1.Won a staring contest with a house lizard.Twice.(And I'm sure that it was the same one.I could recognise its beady eyes anywhere) 2.1st runner up in a 5m race(My 71 year old grandma won.But it wasn't fair!She was in a wheelchair so obviously she had the advantage.) 3.Bronze in a wrestling championship match (Those kindergarteners were stronger than they looked,believe me.I swear I even saw one lift up his obese dad in front of me as a scare tactic.I peed my pants.) 4. Champion in a tic-tac-toe showdown(One of my proudest achievements yet) 5. 2nd place in a pie eating contest(There were 3 contestants altogether.1 of them was allergic to pies.)
Well I guess Harvard doesn't know talent when it sees one.This leaves me no choice but to apply for Oxford.I'll post my acceptance letter here so be on the look out!
Till next time...
I don't know what went wrong.Here's a section of my resume.
Name:The Righteous Queen
Achievements:1.Won a staring contest with a house lizard.Twice.(And I'm sure that it was the same one.I could recognise its beady eyes anywhere) 2.1st runner up in a 5m race(My 71 year old grandma won.But it wasn't fair!She was in a wheelchair so obviously she had the advantage.) 3.Bronze in a wrestling championship match (Those kindergarteners were stronger than they looked,believe me.I swear I even saw one lift up his obese dad in front of me as a scare tactic.I peed my pants.) 4. Champion in a tic-tac-toe showdown(One of my proudest achievements yet) 5. 2nd place in a pie eating contest(There were 3 contestants altogether.1 of them was allergic to pies.)
Well I guess Harvard doesn't know talent when it sees one.This leaves me no choice but to apply for Oxford.I'll post my acceptance letter here so be on the look out!
Till next time...
Toothpaste Trouble?
Isn't it frustrating when your toothpaste is about to finish and you have to squeeze it all the way from the bottom to top hence wasting precious seconds of your life on such a menial task which scientists should have founded a solution to decades ago?
Well have no fear!THE TOOTHPASTE DISPENSER IS HERE! Invented by yours truly.
This amazing new product makes brushing your teeth easy and hassle free!
Its extremely portable,only the size of your average fridge so you can take it with you on trips!Anything for consumer convenience!
The Toothpaste Dispenser also provides you with an incredible variety of toothpastes to choose from!You can either choose KomodoLion Toothpaste(Grape) or KomodoLion Toothpaste(Orange).Fun for humans of all ages!
To use the Toothpaste Dispenser, just place your toothbrush in the scanning area.The shape and size of your toothbrush will be scanned to ensure optimum dispensing of toothpaste.This process will only take 45 minutes.Next, select your preferred toothpaste.This will take only 15 minutes.Then,prepare to be amazed as the Toothpaste Dispenser does its magic!
For safety purposes,please turn off all electrical appliances in the vicinity(preferably with a radius of 10 miles).If you do so,there will be no electrical shocks or blackouts for the next few weeks whatsoever.If you are having trouble with your product,please don't hesitate to call the number that is not on the back of your product.
The Toothpaste Dispenser(Copyright Reserved),Brush your teeth in style!
Till next time...
Well have no fear!THE TOOTHPASTE DISPENSER IS HERE! Invented by yours truly.
This amazing new product makes brushing your teeth easy and hassle free!
Its extremely portable,only the size of your average fridge so you can take it with you on trips!Anything for consumer convenience!
The Toothpaste Dispenser also provides you with an incredible variety of toothpastes to choose from!You can either choose KomodoLion Toothpaste(Grape) or KomodoLion Toothpaste(Orange).Fun for humans of all ages!
To use the Toothpaste Dispenser, just place your toothbrush in the scanning area.The shape and size of your toothbrush will be scanned to ensure optimum dispensing of toothpaste.This process will only take 45 minutes.Next, select your preferred toothpaste.This will take only 15 minutes.Then,prepare to be amazed as the Toothpaste Dispenser does its magic!
For safety purposes,please turn off all electrical appliances in the vicinity(preferably with a radius of 10 miles).If you do so,there will be no electrical shocks or blackouts for the next few weeks whatsoever.If you are having trouble with your product,please don't hesitate to call the number that is not on the back of your product.
The Toothpaste Dispenser(Copyright Reserved),Brush your teeth in style!
Till next time...
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